Crack AU where Anakin can all of a sudden hear the background music that we all hear. Those pleasant chats with Palpy become a lot more ominous. Though Anakin admits that the fights have become a lot more epic. Thoughts?
And okay, my first though was “and the galaxy was saved because even Anakin Skywalker would struggle to keep trusting Palpatine with that music playing in the background”
Anakin think he’s gone COMPLETELY insane (maybe he’s finally been electrocuted too many times and its fried his brain). He doesn’t tell anyone though because he can still fight just fine just… everything is a lot more musical. He doesn’t want to be thought crazy and taken off the front lines.
Once he figures out what the various musical cues mean he actually finds them useful in figuring out how dangerous a situation is. Also battles are so much cooler now and boring landscapes are slightly less boring because at least now they have mood music. Yep, he can live with this.
(Although he is always confused why the ominousness that is The Imperial March starts playing at some of his decisions)
*cracks up*
Anakin: I’m so worried about something. I should probably keep my feelings to myself and attempt to solve my problems by working with Palpatine. He seems like he has my best interests at heart.
Music: DUN DUN DUN, DUN DA-DUN, DUN DA-DUN!
Anakin: [pauses] [looks around] Uh…OK. I mean, I’ll…go talk to Obi-Wan?
Music: [hopeful woodwind instruments]
Anakin: …and be open and honest about my life and what is bothering me, and try to work out a non-violent resolution to my problems?
The Force: Son, please… Guess I’m gonna enable the hints menu.
THE HINTS MENU. *dies*
Maybe Obi-Wan hears the music, too, and then the day is saved.
Obi-Wan: [walking away] Welp, guess it’s off to kill Grievous I’m sure Anakin will be fi –
Music: [Duel of the Fates]
Obi-Wan: OMG not this shit again [runs back down the hall towards Anakin]
Anakin: [running back towards Obi-Wan] Obi-Wan I just heard that Ominous Music again and also I secretly married Padme and she’s pregnant and I haven’t slept in 6 days and I keep thinking she’s going to die and I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT and if you leave I will 100% end up killing everyone and –
Obi-Wan: – oh my God! OK…it’s OK, I heard my own ominous music a second ago when I was getting ready to leave and so I won’t and we’ll fix th –
Anakin: – I heard mine when I thought about maybe talking to the Chancellor instead of y–
Palpatine: [sidling up behind them smugly] Everything all right, gentlemen?
Music: [scary ass music from the opera scene]
Anakin and Obi-Wan: AHHHH
I randomly thought of this post again today and it made me laugh
For the record in that last line I always pictured them clinging to each other in fear like Shaggy and Scooby:
Kaidan walked through the corridors of the Shanghai with his eyes slitted, trying to quell the tracers racing across his vision. There’d been a little lounge down here, he was sure of it, and if he was very, very lucky—
Damn.
The room was occupied. A junior officer with pilot’s wings on his shoulder was sitting at the little table in the corner. His omnitool band was spread on the table, and was working the display with both hands, hunched forward and peering at it from under a cap. The bright light from the tool sent spikes through Kaidan’s skull — but the room was still darker than the medbay, and quieter than his bunk in the marine junior officers cabin.
Kaidan stretched. It didn’t hurt. He opened his eyes, slowly, and that didn’t hurt, either. He sat up, slowly. So far, so good. Tentatively, he checked the time on his omnitool, with the display on the dimmest setting. The readout surprised him.
“Good grief — three hours? I can’t believe no one else came in here.”
“Oh, someone tried.” The pilot said from the corner. He pushed the wall of cushions aside. “Didn’t you hear?”
No. Kaidan must have actually fallen asleep. “What d’you mean, tried?”
“I threatened to pee in his socks.”
“You what?!”
A white grin flashed in the dimness. “Surprised him, too!”
Kaidan chuckled.
“Shock’s a totally valid tactic,” the pilot continued smugly. “Even you marines learn about that. You’ve just got to consider all the potential applications.”
“Still, three hours, almost alone, on a ship. Wow.”
“I’m telling you. Tactics.”
“Ha.” Kaidan stretched. “I’m Kaidan, by the way. Have you been working this whole time?”
The pilot tapped his name tag. “Moreau. Jeff, or Joker, whatever. And yeah. I do have snorers in crew quarters. And insomnia. Might as well make progress on this cert.”
“What course?”
“Astrogation.” Teeth flashed white in the dim again. “So I still know where I’m going, even if someone else fucks up.”
“That’s nice to know, since I’m probably one of the passengers.” He remembered the jouncing shuttle drop earlier that day, schooled his voice neutral, and asked “Did you fly us down this morning?”
“Please.” Moreau scowled. “If it was me, you wouldn’t have had such a bumpy ride. That drop was crap.”
Nice to not have to be nice about it. The pilot turned back to his screen and Kaidan scanned the messages he’d missed while napping. His eye snagged on something from Carrera.
“Damn.” I’m such an idiot. He just hadn’t wanted to cause a fuss.
Moreau looked over at him, questioning.
“I just realized,” Kaidan said, “That I should’ve sent Carerra and Hertz up here, then the rest of us could’ve used our racks like they’re intended.”
The pilot glared at him. “If you send your fuckbunnies to my favorite quiet spot, I will pee in your socks.”
Kaidan held up his hands. “They’re not my fuckbunnies. And I get it. Promise.” He smiled. “I will never point anyone here.”
“Good.”
“That way I can still use it.”
A shrug.
“Without worrying about my socks.”
The pilot grinned. “Eh, why not. The medbay is shit for resting in, anyway.”
“Isn’t a toad a bit of a strange choice for a royal coat of arms?”
“On the contrary, it’s quite appropriate.”
“Is it… like, a symbol of humility?”
“No, it’s an actual toad.”
“An actual toad.”
“Indeed. About thirty feet long, breathes fire, lives in the dungeons below the royal palace. Any would-be heir to the throne must first best it in single combat.“
“You choose your kings by making them fight a giant, fire-breathing toad?“
“And queens, yes. Some regard it as an antiquated legacy of a more barbarous age, but we believe that the strength of character needed to rule can only be cultivated through trial. Facing the toad provides a would-be ruler with valuable perspective on the tribulations to come. The monarch bears its image out of respect.“
“And I suppose the fact that half your royal gallery consists of paintings of toads wearing crowns is out of respect as well.“
Ok, God, I am fucking wheezing, I got trained to work with mice today since I’ll need them for some experiments and the guy who trained me was like, “Yeah ok so if there’s a day where you just absolutely cannot get your mice to cooperate you can always do this” and picks up this cone-shaped bag and just put the mouse face-first into it and shows it to me and I lose my shit because deadass it was a piping-bag of mouse. Like, the whole mouse was pressed into this cone, fur and ears and feet all pressed up against the plastic, tail sticking up absurdly out of the top of the thing. It was so unimaginably fucking funny but like the mouse was perfectly ok with it, there’s a hole for air at the bottom so she could breathe and all but it was genuinely the most absurd thing I have witnessed in months
THIS IS FUCKING IT, IT’S SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!!!!
you will be turned to icing if you don’t start acting correctally.
We were supposed to meet a friend in a pub, but we’re adventurers who’ve made a lot of enemies, so the food was poisoned and the waitress was an assassin. A disastrous fight later the assassin casts fog cloud and hurls herself out the window.
The second storey window.
Captain Frankie immediately attempts to follow her out the window. In the magical fog. Two storeys up.
He fails his acrobatics check and is laying on the pavement looking up when First Mate Jane follows him out the window. He DOES make the dex save to roll out of the way –
– which puts him in the path of Nettle, who had just hurled himself out the next window over.
Druid Nettle.
Who was a cave bear at the time.
So it turns out that cave bears are based on polar bears, which can weigh 1700 pounds. Struck by the utter ridiculousness of the situation, Frankie failed his save, and then we had to pause for a moment while the GM figured out how to roll damage for being landed on by a friendly bear.
(Frankie survived, Nat used feather fall to float perfectly down to land astride the bear, Gra charged out the window without noticing that “down” was involved and landed belly down across the bear’s back, Nat dug her heels in, and we thundered off into the night before the guard arrived.)
